今天播的第二集，後半部講到尼安德塔人與智人間的演化競爭。
尼安德塔人過去一直以為他們是地球上僅有的人類，可是當他們第一次發現到智人的時候，他們嚇死了，以為是他們是從冥界來的人，要來索取他們全族的性命，所以嚇得把山洞中的火弄熄，聲音也不敢出，一直藏在山洞中。尼安德塔人曾經與智人共存了約一萬年，不過他們最後還是在兩萬多年前全數滅絕了。
我看到尼安德塔人在遇到智人時的那種驚訝，覺得有點像人類遇見外星人一樣，發覺說對方長得很像自己這種生物，四肢更小更靈巧，皮膚更光滑更像小孩，但是文明更高。我在想說，也許我們所認為的外星人，其實也是在地球上所發展的一種人類，只是他們文明發展比我們更快，人類五萬年才能達到的產業革命，能源革命，資訊革命，他們一萬年就完成了。由於他們比智人更文明，所以不會像智人對待尼安德塔人那樣，把異類趕盡殺絕。
2006/11/08
2006/11/07
2006/11/04
我又重回游泳池了
I am back to the swimming pool again!
我已經兩個月沒有去游泳了，一方面是有一段時間工作繁忙，連週六日都要去加班，一方面是胸部越變越大，覺得再繼續去男更衣室滿奇怪的，可是如果要穿女性泳裝的話又怕會穿幫，心理建設還沒做好，怕去女性更衣室會被人趕出來。
我跟媽媽談過這問題，我說許多網友建議可以去買那種有小裙子的泳裝，我媽覺得沒必要那樣穿，買一般底下是平口褲的泳裝就好了。
買來了之後，其實我還是很擔心，穿上去之後，問問媽媽，看起來有沒有問題？我媽一直鼓勵我，並不會很奇怪的，我才吃下了定心丸，敢去游泳池。
幸好游泳池的人也不多，進入更衣室時，其他人看到我也沒有很注意我，我覺得這種感覺真好，我終於能夠以自己希望的性別來游泳了！
I have not gone to the swimming pool for two months. On the one hand, I was very busy for a period of time. I had to go to the office at weekend or holidays. On the other hand, my breasts are growing bigger and bigger. I feel very embarrassed when I entering the men's locker room. I am afraid my crotch looks too prominent when I wear women's swimwear. My self confidence is still not strong enough. I am afraid I will be expelled away from the women's locker room.
I discussed with my mom on this issue. I said some of my net friends suggested me to buy the swimwear with the little skirt. My mom thought I don't need to wear that. She suggested me to buy the swimwear with bottom like boxer.
After I received the the swimwear, I was still worried. I put to the swimwear, and asked my mom "do I look strange"? My mom encouraged me, said "you don't look strange". Then I was very confident, and I dared to go to the swimming pool.
Fortunately there were not too many people in the swimming pool. When I entered the locker room, others did not notice me too much. I felt very better. I am so glad now I can swim and sport in my favorite gender!
我跟媽媽談過這問題，我說許多網友建議可以去買那種有小裙子的泳裝，我媽覺得沒必要那樣穿，買一般底下是平口褲的泳裝就好了。
買來了之後，其實我還是很擔心，穿上去之後，問問媽媽，看起來有沒有問題？我媽一直鼓勵我，並不會很奇怪的，我才吃下了定心丸，敢去游泳池。
幸好游泳池的人也不多，進入更衣室時，其他人看到我也沒有很注意我，我覺得這種感覺真好，我終於能夠以自己希望的性別來游泳了！
I have not gone to the swimming pool for two months. On the one hand, I was very busy for a period of time. I had to go to the office at weekend or holidays. On the other hand, my breasts are growing bigger and bigger. I feel very embarrassed when I entering the men's locker room. I am afraid my crotch looks too prominent when I wear women's swimwear. My self confidence is still not strong enough. I am afraid I will be expelled away from the women's locker room.
I discussed with my mom on this issue. I said some of my net friends suggested me to buy the swimwear with the little skirt. My mom thought I don't need to wear that. She suggested me to buy the swimwear with bottom like boxer.
After I received the the swimwear, I was still worried. I put to the swimwear, and asked my mom "do I look strange"? My mom encouraged me, said "you don't look strange". Then I was very confident, and I dared to go to the swimming pool.
Fortunately there were not too many people in the swimming pool. When I entered the locker room, others did not notice me too much. I felt very better. I am so glad now I can swim and sport in my favorite gender!
2006/10/19
縫雙眼皮手術的複診
我上周四(12日)在風華做了縫雙眼皮手術，今天回診所做複診。
護士先幫我拍張照，以跟上星期手術前的相片做個比較，護士說我的臉變瘦了，我覺得很奇怪。
看高醫師時，我問說，現在是否可以化妝，可以游泳了？他說我前幾天就可以開始化妝了，也可以游泳了。我問說，要過多久眼睛看起來才自然，他說要一個月後。
我 問他說，為什麼我做完手術後的那幾天，會一直流黃色的眼油，我剛手術完時，眼油一直流，眼前一片糊糊的，視線完全不清楚。第二天起床時，整個眼睛都被凝結 的眼油給黏住，不能眨眼，要用生理食鹽水洗掉才行。後來，我的右眼視力完全恢復了，不會流眼油了，但是左眼有散光，我那時是害怕手術時角膜弄傷了，有去眼 科做檢查。他說，流眼油是因為，眼睛中有個腺體是專門分泌油脂來潤滑眼睛的，在手術時這個腺體被刺激到了，所以會一直流眼油。至於眼科的話，醫生說他會介 紹眼科給我。
他後來有問我說之後是否會想做什麼手術，我回說forehead reduction。他說那手術很危險，在額頭那邊有個神經從顱內穿出到頭皮，在磨骨的時候很容易弄傷神經，造成頭皮麻痺。他建議我可以墊平額頭，因為我 的額頭從側面45度角看時，會有凹凸感，用Gore-Tex墊平，使得額頭看起來是平平的，而不會墊高額頭，他有給我看了範例照片。
http://www.charm3c.com.tw/faceoff.htm
不過我覺得目前我先用瀏海遮住額頭就夠了，所以再考慮。
做完雙眼皮，我的結論是縫的比割的還痛，割的是醫生只會在眼皮上劃刀子，但縫的話還會把眼皮翻起來穿針引線。雖然縫的恢復期比較快，但經歷過之後實在不會想再做一次了。
護士先幫我拍張照，以跟上星期手術前的相片做個比較，護士說我的臉變瘦了，我覺得很奇怪。
看高醫師時，我問說，現在是否可以化妝，可以游泳了？他說我前幾天就可以開始化妝了，也可以游泳了。我問說，要過多久眼睛看起來才自然，他說要一個月後。
我 問他說，為什麼我做完手術後的那幾天，會一直流黃色的眼油，我剛手術完時，眼油一直流，眼前一片糊糊的，視線完全不清楚。第二天起床時，整個眼睛都被凝結 的眼油給黏住，不能眨眼，要用生理食鹽水洗掉才行。後來，我的右眼視力完全恢復了，不會流眼油了，但是左眼有散光，我那時是害怕手術時角膜弄傷了，有去眼 科做檢查。他說，流眼油是因為，眼睛中有個腺體是專門分泌油脂來潤滑眼睛的，在手術時這個腺體被刺激到了，所以會一直流眼油。至於眼科的話，醫生說他會介 紹眼科給我。
他後來有問我說之後是否會想做什麼手術，我回說forehead reduction。他說那手術很危險，在額頭那邊有個神經從顱內穿出到頭皮，在磨骨的時候很容易弄傷神經，造成頭皮麻痺。他建議我可以墊平額頭，因為我 的額頭從側面45度角看時，會有凹凸感，用Gore-Tex墊平，使得額頭看起來是平平的，而不會墊高額頭，他有給我看了範例照片。
http://www.charm3c.com.tw/faceoff.htm
不過我覺得目前我先用瀏海遮住額頭就夠了，所以再考慮。
做完雙眼皮，我的結論是縫的比割的還痛，割的是醫生只會在眼皮上劃刀子，但縫的話還會把眼皮翻起來穿針引線。雖然縫的恢復期比較快，但經歷過之後實在不會想再做一次了。
2006/10/09
Breakfast on Pluto
剛看冥王星早餐，有一段劇情是主角在舞廳中跟男生跳舞，剎那間，有顆炸彈引爆了，所有人都倒在血泊之中，主角被抬進醫院時，救護人員急忙地要把她衣服剪開急救，才發現她大腿之間的╳╳，所有人都楞住了。
我聽過在外國有發生過一件跟跨性別有關的慘劇，也是主角在街上被車撞到，當救護人員趕來急救時，發現她不是真的女生，結果這些人就不管她，讓她繼續躺在地上哀嚎，直到出血過多而死......。
台灣的救護人員不會那麼槽糕吧。
While I watched the film "Breakfast on Pluto", there was a scene: the protagonist was dancing with a man. Suddenly, the bomb exploded, everyone was knocked down in ruins. The actress was moved to the hospital, and the ambulance personnel attempted scissoring her clothes to stop the bleeding. Then they found there is something lying between her groins. Everyone was shocked .....
I also heard some tragedy related to transgender in a foreign countries. She was hit by a car on the street. When ambulance came to save her, the personnel found her not a real woman. As a result, she was left alone, laid on the floor crying until dyingfrom over bleeding.
I hope the emergency rescues faculty in Taiwan won't be such horrible ...
我聽過在外國有發生過一件跟跨性別有關的慘劇，也是主角在街上被車撞到，當救護人員趕來急救時，發現她不是真的女生，結果這些人就不管她，讓她繼續躺在地上哀嚎，直到出血過多而死......。
台灣的救護人員不會那麼槽糕吧。
While I watched the film "Breakfast on Pluto", there was a scene: the protagonist was dancing with a man. Suddenly, the bomb exploded, everyone was knocked down in ruins. The actress was moved to the hospital, and the ambulance personnel attempted scissoring her clothes to stop the bleeding. Then they found there is something lying between her groins. Everyone was shocked .....
I also heard some tragedy related to transgender in a foreign countries. She was hit by a car on the street. When ambulance came to save her, the personnel found her not a real woman. As a result, she was left alone, laid on the floor crying until dyingfrom over bleeding.
I hope the emergency rescues faculty in Taiwan won't be such horrible ...
2006/10/07
中秋夜，河濱散步
Walking around the riverbank, at the night of Mid-autumn Festival
我爸媽都有每天吃完飯後去河濱公園散步的習慣，吃完晚餐後我媽問我說要不要跟他們一起去（往常都是我加班加很晚才回到家，沒辦法跟他們一起走），我一開始想說飯吃得好飽哦，不想出去走路，而且最近天氣變涼了，河濱一帶風吹得很強，一定很冷。但後來想一想，今天中秋節可以看皎潔的月亮，而且可以看看別人在公園烤肉，還是決定跟爸媽一起去散步。
走在秀朗橋上的時候，聽到一群小鬼嘻鬧的聲音，從我們前方衝來一個光屁股的國中生，可能是打賭賭輸了才裸奔的吧，他的朋友不斷尖叫歡呼，我媽也在對他拍手叫好。
到了公園時，遇到了媽媽的朋友美智，還有她的老公小劉，在板凳上休息。他們跟我爸媽打過招呼了之後，小劉問我爸「這是你女兒啊？長得好漂亮哦」
「這是我兒子！」我爸急忙辯解，我則是在旁邊偷笑，我想到福星小子中執意把龍之介當成男生來養的龍之介老爸。
寒暄一下後，我爸說「那我們要繼續散步了，先告別了」
走在路上時，我媽跟我講「他還是叫妳兒子ㄟ」
我說「沒關係啦，反正他能接受我現在的樣子就好了」
走完一圈回來後，美智和小劉還在板凳那兒聊天，我和爸媽也一起坐在那休息，和他們一同聊天。男生坐一邊，女生坐另外一邊。我媽拿出來文旦分給大家吃，我吃完文旦後，靠在媽媽的身旁說
「媽媽，我覺得好冷哦」
我媽問美智說「妳會不會覺得很奇怪呢？以前他是我的兒子，現在變成女兒了」
「不會啊，不覺得奇怪....現在的社會什麼都在變，在現在也不是那麼奇怪了...」美智說。
「可是以前我那時不能接受，每天都在哭，流了至少有一缸的淚了」
「剛開始時一定是無法接受啊」
我說「那是因為我媽怕我變了性之後，就會變成另外一個人，好像原來的我就消失不見了」
「也不只是這樣，還有一種是失落感。我以前把他當做男生來養，想說以後他走的就是男生的那一條路。現在他不是按照著那方向去走了，就會有那種失落感。以前他讀書都讀得很好，不用我操心，他突然變成這個樣子了，當然會感到擔心，對他的未來感到茫然，他以後的日子該怎麼過，怕他會在外面被欺負，會被公司開除。過了一段日子後，都沒有發生什麼事，他還是對我像以前一樣的好」媽媽說。
「其實啊，我也遇過類似的例子，我那堂弟的兒子也是那種....舉手投足都很有女人味，比女人還要女人，可是他常因為這樣被他爸爸罵。我老公不會因為這樣子而罵人，他是看你做事做得好不好。我後來也有想過說，如果我的兒子也是變成這樣子，那我能不能接受呢.....」美智說。
「該回去了吧！」我爸喊。
跟那些男人一起走在路上時，我們又改變了話題，邊聊天邊走回家。
Walking around the riverbank, at the night of Mid-autumn Festival
My parents have a habit of strolling around the riverbank park. After finished dinner, mom asked me to walk with them. (I often work overtime and return home too lately, so I cannot walk with them). Firstly I wanted to deny it because my belly was full. However an idea came to mind, that I can see the white and clean moon in the sky, and see other people barbecue outside. Therefore I decided to go with parents.
Walking on the Xiu-Lang bridge, I heard the kids laughing. And then, a naked adolescent ran to our front. I thought it must be a punishment of losing a bet. His friends hailed at the runner. My mom also applauded at him.
Arriving the park, we met a frend of my mom, Mei-chi, and her husband, little Liu. They were sitting and chatting on the bench. After the greeting with my parents, little Liu asked my dad, "Is she your daunghter? Wow, she looks pretty."
"No, it's my son!", said dad.
I tittered at his side. I recalled a manga book "Urusei Yatsura". Ryuunosuke's father always call Ryuunosuke as a man and tried to make her the real man.
After greetings, dad said, "We got to keep walking, good bye."
While walking, My mom asked me, "He still calls you the son."
"That doesn't matter. At least he does not reluctate what I am, and what I do now", I said.
After rounding one lap, we found Mei-chi and little Liu are still sitting on the bench. My parents also joined the chatting with them. Women sat on one side, and men sat on another side. My mom took out a pomelo, split it and share it with everyone.
After eating the pomelo, I sat close to my mom and said, "Mom, I feel so cold".
My mom told to Mei-chi, "Don't you feel it so strange? She was my son before, and now she is my daughter.".
"I don't feel it strange. This society changes everytime. It is not stange in this age...", said Mei-chi.
"At the beginning I cannot accept it happen. I was crying everyday. My tears could fill one liter", said mom.
"no one can accept it at the beginning."
I said, "That's because my mom was afraid I would be a different persn after my gender changed, and the original myself disappeared."
"Not only so, and also a sense of being lost. I raised and educated her as a boy, and expected her go man's way. Now she walks another way. I feel something lost. Before she always get good grades in school. I didn't need to worry. Suddenly she becomes so strange. I worried about her. I feel puzzled about the future. How can she pass the desperate straits. I am afriad she is laughed by others in the office, or even fired by her company. One year passed, it seems nothing happened. She still treats me like what he did.", said mom.
"I also heard this kind of examples around me. A son of yy cousin brother son is very feminine. He behaves more girlish than a girl. He is always blamed by his father because his effeminacy, but my husband does not blame him. He only blames the other if he or she does not work earnestly. Sometimes it comes to my mind, what if my son is an effeminacy boy. Can I accept him....", said Mei-chi.
"Time to go now!!", shouted my father.
While going together with the men, we changed the topic, chatting and walking toward home.
走在秀朗橋上的時候，聽到一群小鬼嘻鬧的聲音，從我們前方衝來一個光屁股的國中生，可能是打賭賭輸了才裸奔的吧，他的朋友不斷尖叫歡呼，我媽也在對他拍手叫好。
到了公園時，遇到了媽媽的朋友美智，還有她的老公小劉，在板凳上休息。他們跟我爸媽打過招呼了之後，小劉問我爸「這是你女兒啊？長得好漂亮哦」
「這是我兒子！」我爸急忙辯解，我則是在旁邊偷笑，我想到福星小子中執意把龍之介當成男生來養的龍之介老爸。
寒暄一下後，我爸說「那我們要繼續散步了，先告別了」
走在路上時，我媽跟我講「他還是叫妳兒子ㄟ」
我說「沒關係啦，反正他能接受我現在的樣子就好了」
走完一圈回來後，美智和小劉還在板凳那兒聊天，我和爸媽也一起坐在那休息，和他們一同聊天。男生坐一邊，女生坐另外一邊。我媽拿出來文旦分給大家吃，我吃完文旦後，靠在媽媽的身旁說
「媽媽，我覺得好冷哦」
我媽問美智說「妳會不會覺得很奇怪呢？以前他是我的兒子，現在變成女兒了」
「不會啊，不覺得奇怪....現在的社會什麼都在變，在現在也不是那麼奇怪了...」美智說。
「可是以前我那時不能接受，每天都在哭，流了至少有一缸的淚了」
「剛開始時一定是無法接受啊」
我說「那是因為我媽怕我變了性之後，就會變成另外一個人，好像原來的我就消失不見了」
「也不只是這樣，還有一種是失落感。我以前把他當做男生來養，想說以後他走的就是男生的那一條路。現在他不是按照著那方向去走了，就會有那種失落感。以前他讀書都讀得很好，不用我操心，他突然變成這個樣子了，當然會感到擔心，對他的未來感到茫然，他以後的日子該怎麼過，怕他會在外面被欺負，會被公司開除。過了一段日子後，都沒有發生什麼事，他還是對我像以前一樣的好」媽媽說。
「其實啊，我也遇過類似的例子，我那堂弟的兒子也是那種....舉手投足都很有女人味，比女人還要女人，可是他常因為這樣被他爸爸罵。我老公不會因為這樣子而罵人，他是看你做事做得好不好。我後來也有想過說，如果我的兒子也是變成這樣子，那我能不能接受呢.....」美智說。
「該回去了吧！」我爸喊。
跟那些男人一起走在路上時，我們又改變了話題，邊聊天邊走回家。
Walking around the riverbank, at the night of Mid-autumn Festival
My parents have a habit of strolling around the riverbank park. After finished dinner, mom asked me to walk with them. (I often work overtime and return home too lately, so I cannot walk with them). Firstly I wanted to deny it because my belly was full. However an idea came to mind, that I can see the white and clean moon in the sky, and see other people barbecue outside. Therefore I decided to go with parents.
Walking on the Xiu-Lang bridge, I heard the kids laughing. And then, a naked adolescent ran to our front. I thought it must be a punishment of losing a bet. His friends hailed at the runner. My mom also applauded at him.
Arriving the park, we met a frend of my mom, Mei-chi, and her husband, little Liu. They were sitting and chatting on the bench. After the greeting with my parents, little Liu asked my dad, "Is she your daunghter? Wow, she looks pretty."
"No, it's my son!", said dad.
I tittered at his side. I recalled a manga book "Urusei Yatsura". Ryuunosuke's father always call Ryuunosuke as a man and tried to make her the real man.
After greetings, dad said, "We got to keep walking, good bye."
While walking, My mom asked me, "He still calls you the son."
"That doesn't matter. At least he does not reluctate what I am, and what I do now", I said.
After rounding one lap, we found Mei-chi and little Liu are still sitting on the bench. My parents also joined the chatting with them. Women sat on one side, and men sat on another side. My mom took out a pomelo, split it and share it with everyone.
After eating the pomelo, I sat close to my mom and said, "Mom, I feel so cold".
My mom told to Mei-chi, "Don't you feel it so strange? She was my son before, and now she is my daughter.".
"I don't feel it strange. This society changes everytime. It is not stange in this age...", said Mei-chi.
"At the beginning I cannot accept it happen. I was crying everyday. My tears could fill one liter", said mom.
"no one can accept it at the beginning."
I said, "That's because my mom was afraid I would be a different persn after my gender changed, and the original myself disappeared."
"Not only so, and also a sense of being lost. I raised and educated her as a boy, and expected her go man's way. Now she walks another way. I feel something lost. Before she always get good grades in school. I didn't need to worry. Suddenly she becomes so strange. I worried about her. I feel puzzled about the future. How can she pass the desperate straits. I am afriad she is laughed by others in the office, or even fired by her company. One year passed, it seems nothing happened. She still treats me like what he did.", said mom.
"I also heard this kind of examples around me. A son of yy cousin brother son is very feminine. He behaves more girlish than a girl. He is always blamed by his father because his effeminacy, but my husband does not blame him. He only blames the other if he or she does not work earnestly. Sometimes it comes to my mind, what if my son is an effeminacy boy. Can I accept him....", said Mei-chi.
"Time to go now!!", shouted my father.
While going together with the men, we changed the topic, chatting and walking toward home.
2006/10/06
我以後也要當伴娘
I want to be a bridesmaid !
九月九日，是我姊結婚的日子，之前我一直在憂心結婚典禮我該穿什麼衣服好，我怕穿得太女性化我爸會生氣，但是要穿男性化的話，我以前男生衣服都丟了，最後聽tintin的建議，上衣穿襯衫，下半身搭牛仔褲，至於絲巾，我媽的絲巾都太老氣了，所以不戴了。
雖然我的穿著是很中性，不過外表看起來仍然是女生，我爸向外人介紹時，仍然是說「這是我兒子」我想外人的心裡一定覺得很疑惑吧。不過，只要我爸不發怒，我就認為我爸可以接受我了。
我跟爸爸那邊的親戚，如叔叔、嬸嬸、堂兄妹們已經有一年多沒見面了，她們今天看到我時都有點楞住，不過我想她們應該先前會有聽過我的傳聞，所以我也沒有向他們解釋。
我反倒是跟舅舅、舅媽、表弟那邊的親族比較熟，雖然只是幾個月沒看到我了，舅媽還是稱讚我變漂亮了。
中途，我姊在新娘休息室換裝時，我姊有跟伴娘和她以前的死黨拍照，我也跟我姊一起拍，拍的時候，我跟我姊說
「昨天我跟公司說要去參加姊姊婚禮時，有個女同事問我說，妳是不是要去當伴娘？」
「哦」
「我就說，那怎麼可能，我爸看到的話，不會發飆嗎？」
「那妳要不要現在穿伴娘的衣服？」
我看了伴娘那件裙襬垂地的禮服說
「給我的話我可能穿不下」
「也對，給妳穿的話，會變成迷你裙了 XD」
「XD」
I want to be a bridesmaid !!
September 9th, it is the day of my elder sister's wedding. Before I was anxious about what to wear in the wedding ceremony. I am afraid to be blamed by my father if I wear too feminine. I cannot wear masculine clothes because my male clothes are all thrown away. Eventually I followed the suggestion of my net friend, Tin-tin. That is to wear a shirt with jeans. She also recommended me to wear a silk handkerchief on the neck, but my mother's silk handkerchief looks too old-fashioned. So I gave up.
My clothing looked very neutral, but my appearance still looked like a girl. While my father introduced me to his friends, he still said, "That's my son". I thought his friends must feel confused. At least, my father didn't feel unpleasure on me. I thought he could accept me.
I have not seen the relatives on my father's side, such as uncles, aunts, younger cousins, for one year. While they saw me, they were astonished. I suppose they heard my rumors before, so I didn't explain my situation.
On the contrary, I have a closer relationship to the relatives on my mother's side. I have not seen them for few months. While young aunt saw me, she praised me became more beautiful than before.
In the middle of the ceremony, I entered the changing room of the bride. My elder sister was taken the photo with the bridesmaid, and her sisterhood. I was also taken the photo with my elder sister.
I said, "Yesterday I told my colleagues that I will go to my sister's wedding. One of female colleagues asked me, will you be a bridesmaid in the ceremony? "
"Hmm", said my sister.
"I said, that's impossible. My father will get mad if he sees me in dress", said I.
"Do you want to try the bridesmaid's dress?", said my sister.
I looked at the dress with the long skirt dragged on the floor. I said, "I cannot fit into the dress".
"Absolutely! It becomes the mini skirt if you wear it. Ha ha ha", said sister.
"Ha ha"
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