縫雙眼皮手術的複診

我上周四(12日)在風華做了縫雙眼皮手術，今天回診所做複診。

護士先幫我拍張照，以跟上星期手術前的相片做個比較，護士說我的臉變瘦了，我覺得很奇怪。

看高醫師時，我問說，現在是否可以化妝，可以游泳了？他說我前幾天就可以開始化妝了，也可以游泳了。我問說，要過多久眼睛看起來才自然，他說要一個月後。

我 問他說，為什麼我做完手術後的那幾天，會一直流黃色的眼油，我剛手術完時，眼油一直流，眼前一片糊糊的，視線完全不清楚。第二天起床時，整個眼睛都被凝結 的眼油給黏住，不能眨眼，要用生理食鹽水洗掉才行。後來，我的右眼視力完全恢復了，不會流眼油了，但是左眼有散光，我那時是害怕手術時角膜弄傷了，有去眼 科做檢查。他說，流眼油是因為，眼睛中有個腺體是專門分泌油脂來潤滑眼睛的，在手術時這個腺體被刺激到了，所以會一直流眼油。至於眼科的話，醫生說他會介 紹眼科給我。

他後來有問我說之後是否會想做什麼手術，我回說forehead reduction。他說那手術很危險，在額頭那邊有個神經從顱內穿出到頭皮，在磨骨的時候很容易弄傷神經，造成頭皮麻痺。他建議我可以墊平額頭，因為我 的額頭從側面45度角看時，會有凹凸感，用Gore-Tex墊平，使得額頭看起來是平平的，而不會墊高額頭，他有給我看了範例照片。

http://www.charm3c.com.tw/faceoff.htm

不過我覺得目前我先用瀏海遮住額頭就夠了，所以再考慮。

做完雙眼皮，我的結論是縫的比割的還痛，割的是醫生只會在眼皮上劃刀子，但縫的話還會把眼皮翻起來穿針引線。雖然縫的恢復期比較快，但經歷過之後實在不會想再做一次了。

Breakfast on Pluto

剛看冥王星早餐，有一段劇情是主角在舞廳中跟男生跳舞，剎那間，有顆炸彈引爆了，所有人都倒在血泊之中，主角被抬進醫院時，救護人員急忙地要把她衣服剪開急救，才發現她大腿之間的╳╳，所有人都楞住了。

我聽過在外國有發生過一件跟跨性別有關的慘劇，也是主角在街上被車撞到，當救護人員趕來急救時，發現她不是真的女生，結果這些人就不管她，讓她繼續躺在地上哀嚎，直到出血過多而死......。

台灣的救護人員不會那麼槽糕吧。


While I watched the film "Breakfast on Pluto", there was a scene: the protagonist was dancing with a man. Suddenly, the bomb exploded, everyone was knocked down in ruins. The actress was moved to the hospital, and the ambulance personnel attempted scissoring her clothes to stop the bleeding. Then they found there is something lying between her groins. Everyone was shocked .....

I also heard some tragedy related to transgender in a foreign countries. She was hit by a car on the street. When ambulance came to save her, the personnel found her not a real woman. As a result, she was left alone, laid on the floor crying until dyingfrom over bleeding.

I hope the emergency rescues faculty in Taiwan won't be such horrible ...

中秋夜，河濱散步Walking around the riverbank, at the night of Mid-autumn Festival

我爸媽都有每天吃完飯後去河濱公園散步的習慣，吃完晚餐後我媽問我說要不要跟他們一起去（往常都是我加班加很晚才回到家，沒辦法跟他們一起走），我一開始想說飯吃得好飽哦，不想出去走路，而且最近天氣變涼了，河濱一帶風吹得很強，一定很冷。但後來想一想，今天中秋節可以看皎潔的月亮，而且可以看看別人在公園烤肉，還是決定跟爸媽一起去散步。

走在秀朗橋上的時候，聽到一群小鬼嘻鬧的聲音，從我們前方衝來一個光屁股的國中生，可能是打賭賭輸了才裸奔的吧，他的朋友不斷尖叫歡呼，我媽也在對他拍手叫好。

到了公園時，遇到了媽媽的朋友美智，還有她的老公小劉，在板凳上休息。他們跟我爸媽打過招呼了之後，小劉問我爸「這是你女兒啊？長得好漂亮哦」

「這是我兒子！」我爸急忙辯解，我則是在旁邊偷笑，我想到福星小子中執意把龍之介當成男生來養的龍之介老爸。

寒暄一下後，我爸說「那我們要繼續散步了，先告別了」

走在路上時，我媽跟我講「他還是叫妳兒子ㄟ」

我說「沒關係啦，反正他能接受我現在的樣子就好了」

走完一圈回來後，美智和小劉還在板凳那兒聊天，我和爸媽也一起坐在那休息，和他們一同聊天。男生坐一邊，女生坐另外一邊。我媽拿出來文旦分給大家吃，我吃完文旦後，靠在媽媽的身旁說

「媽媽，我覺得好冷哦」

我媽問美智說「妳會不會覺得很奇怪呢？以前他是我的兒子，現在變成女兒了」

「不會啊，不覺得奇怪....現在的社會什麼都在變，在現在也不是那麼奇怪了...」美智說。

「可是以前我那時不能接受，每天都在哭，流了至少有一缸的淚了」

「剛開始時一定是無法接受啊」


我說「那是因為我媽怕我變了性之後，就會變成另外一個人，好像原來的我就消失不見了」

「也不只是這樣，還有一種是失落感。我以前把他當做男生來養，想說以後他走的就是男生的那一條路。現在他不是按照著那方向去走了，就會有那種失落感。以前他讀書都讀得很好，不用我操心，他突然變成這個樣子了，當然會感到擔心，對他的未來感到茫然，他以後的日子該怎麼過，怕他會在外面被欺負，會被公司開除。過了一段日子後，都沒有發生什麼事，他還是對我像以前一樣的好」媽媽說。

「其實啊，我也遇過類似的例子，我那堂弟的兒子也是那種....舉手投足都很有女人味，比女人還要女人，可是他常因為這樣被他爸爸罵。我老公不會因為這樣子而罵人，他是看你做事做得好不好。我後來也有想過說，如果我的兒子也是變成這樣子，那我能不能接受呢.....」美智說。

「該回去了吧！」我爸喊。

跟那些男人一起走在路上時，我們又改變了話題，邊聊天邊走回家。

Walking around the riverbank, at the night of Mid-autumn Festival

My parents have a habit of strolling around the riverbank park. After finished dinner, mom asked me to walk with them. (I often work overtime and return home too lately, so I cannot walk with them). Firstly I wanted to deny it because my belly was full. However an idea came to mind, that I can see the white and clean moon in the sky, and see other people barbecue outside. Therefore I decided to go with parents.

Walking on the Xiu-Lang bridge, I heard the kids laughing. And then, a naked adolescent ran to our front. I thought it must be a punishment of losing a bet. His friends hailed at the runner. My mom also applauded at him.

Arriving the park, we met a frend of my mom, Mei-chi, and her husband, little Liu. They were sitting and chatting on the bench. After the greeting with my parents, little Liu asked my dad, "Is she your daunghter? Wow, she looks pretty."

"No, it's my son!", said dad.

I tittered at his side. I recalled a manga book "Urusei Yatsura". Ryuunosuke's father always call Ryuunosuke as a man and tried to make her the real man.

After greetings, dad said, "We got to keep walking, good bye."

While walking, My mom asked me, "He still calls you the son."

"That doesn't matter. At least he does not reluctate what I am, and what I do now", I said.

After rounding one lap, we found Mei-chi and little Liu are still sitting on the bench. My parents also joined the chatting with them. Women sat on one side, and men sat on another side. My mom took out a pomelo, split it and share it with everyone.

After eating the pomelo, I sat close to my mom and said, "Mom, I feel so cold".

My mom told to Mei-chi, "Don't you feel it so strange? She was my son before, and now she is my daughter.".

"I don't feel it strange. This society changes everytime. It is not stange in this age...", said Mei-chi.

"At the beginning I cannot accept it happen. I was crying everyday. My tears could fill one liter", said mom.

"no one can accept it at the beginning."

I said, "That's because my mom was afraid I would be a different persn after my gender changed, and the original myself disappeared."

"Not only so, and also a sense of being lost. I raised and educated her as a boy, and expected her go man's way. Now she walks another way. I feel something lost. Before she always get good grades in school. I didn't need to worry. Suddenly she becomes so strange. I worried about her. I feel puzzled about the future. How can she pass the desperate straits. I am afriad she is laughed by others in the office, or even fired by her company. One year passed, it seems nothing happened. She still treats me like what he did.", said mom.

"I also heard this kind of examples around me. A son of yy cousin brother son is very feminine. He behaves more girlish than a girl. He is always blamed by his father because his effeminacy, but my husband does not blame him. He only blames the other if he or she does not work earnestly. Sometimes it comes to my mind, what if my son is an effeminacy boy. Can I accept him....", said Mei-chi.

"Time to go now!!", shouted my father.

While going together with the men, we changed the topic, chatting and walking toward home.

我以後也要當伴娘I want to be a bridesmaid !

九月九日，是我姊結婚的日子，之前我一直在憂心結婚典禮我該穿什麼衣服好，我怕穿得太女性化我爸會生氣，但是要穿男性化的話，我以前男生衣服都丟了，最後聽tintin的建議，上衣穿襯衫，下半身搭牛仔褲，至於絲巾，我媽的絲巾都太老氣了，所以不戴了。


雖然我的穿著是很中性，不過外表看起來仍然是女生，我爸向外人介紹時，仍然是說「這是我兒子」我想外人的心裡一定覺得很疑惑吧。不過，只要我爸不發怒，我就認為我爸可以接受我了。

我跟爸爸那邊的親戚，如叔叔、嬸嬸、堂兄妹們已經有一年多沒見面了，她們今天看到我時都有點楞住，不過我想她們應該先前會有聽過我的傳聞，所以我也沒有向他們解釋。

我反倒是跟舅舅、舅媽、表弟那邊的親族比較熟，雖然只是幾個月沒看到我了，舅媽還是稱讚我變漂亮了。

中途，我姊在新娘休息室換裝時，我姊有跟伴娘和她以前的死黨拍照，我也跟我姊一起拍，拍的時候，我跟我姊說

「昨天我跟公司說要去參加姊姊婚禮時，有個女同事問我說，妳是不是要去當伴娘？」

「哦」

「我就說，那怎麼可能，我爸看到的話，不會發飆嗎？」

「那妳要不要現在穿伴娘的衣服？」

我看了伴娘那件裙襬垂地的禮服說
「給我的話我可能穿不下」

「也對，給妳穿的話，會變成迷你裙了 XD」

「XD」

I want to be a bridesmaid !!

September 9th, it is the day of my elder sister's wedding. Before I was anxious about what to wear in the wedding ceremony. I am afraid to be blamed by my father if I wear too feminine. I cannot wear masculine clothes because my male clothes are all thrown away. Eventually I followed the suggestion of my net friend, Tin-tin. That is to wear a shirt with jeans. She also recommended me to wear a silk handkerchief on the neck, but my mother's silk handkerchief looks too old-fashioned. So I gave up.

My clothing looked very neutral, but my appearance still looked like a girl. While my father introduced me to his friends, he still said, "That's my son". I thought his friends must feel confused. At least, my father didn't feel unpleasure on me. I thought he could accept me.

I have not seen the relatives on my father's side, such as uncles, aunts, younger cousins, for one year. While they saw me, they were astonished. I suppose they heard my rumors before, so I didn't explain my situation.

On the contrary, I have a closer relationship to the relatives on my mother's side. I have not seen them for few months. While young aunt saw me, she praised me became more beautiful than before.

In the middle of the ceremony, I entered the changing room of the bride. My elder sister was taken the photo with the bridesmaid, and her sisterhood. I was also taken the photo with my elder sister.

I said, "Yesterday I told my colleagues that I will go to my sister's wedding. One of female colleagues asked me, will you be a bridesmaid in the ceremony? "

"Hmm", said my sister.

"I said, that's impossible. My father will get mad if he sees me in dress", said I.

"Do you want to try the bridesmaid's dress?", said my sister.

I looked at the dress with the long skirt dragged on the floor. I said, "I cannot fit into the dress".

"Absolutely! It becomes the mini skirt if you wear it. Ha ha ha", said sister.

"Ha ha"

雖然從一出生就輸了I am a loser when I was born

在人生的跑道上
男生往西 女生是往東
我一出生時就被配到男生的跑道上
我疑惑地望著前方
不知該不該前進
又不時回頭 抱著羨慕的眼光　
看女生的跑道
父母在後面搖旗吶喊
我勉為其難地向前走


掙扎了二十幾年
我終於不再懼怕往女生的方向走
雖然我落後了二十幾年
雖然我從一出生就輸了
可是我好高興 這才是我喜歡的道路

I am a loser when I was born

On the raceway of life
Men toward west, while women toward east
I was assigned to the men's way when I was born
I looked forward with embarrassement
I doubt should I move forward
I turned my head, in envious way
Looking on the women's raceway
Behine the way, parents encouraged me
I step forward reluctantly

Struggled in my mind more than 20 years
I am not afraid to move toward women's way
Although I lagged for more than 20 years
Although I am a loser when I was born
Anyway, it is my favorite way, I feel so happy

辦好新身份證了！I got my new ID card done !

上星期日時，拿了新拍的照片和填寫好的資料，去里長辦公室那邊辦理新身份證。

這個星期日時，帶了印章和舊身份證去里長辦公室，心中忐忑不安，想說如果辦理人員跟我講「這明明是女生的照片，妳怎麼能辦男生的身份證呢？」就打算大吵一架，說你這里長怎麼不了解自己里民的狀況，還歧視變性人。

我拿出舊身份證時，辦理人員說「要拿本人的身份證才行」

我說　「這是我國中時候拍的」

對方笑笑說　「哦，原來妳國中時候是理小男生頭啊」

拿到身份證，很高興上面是漂亮的女生照片了，但還差名字。我就在路上跟我媽說「昨天同學會時，還有上次看長庚時，大家都問我說怎麼還沒換個名字呢？」我就跟我媽一直在聊什麼名字好：曉風、曉雨、鏡園、曉月、曉真、曉圓....

I got my new ID card done

Last Sunday, I brought my new photo and application form to the office of village head, for applying for the new ID card.

This Sunday, I brought the seal and old ID card to the office of village, with much anxiety. What if the faculty said "Hey, it's a girl's picture. How can you use it to apply for a men's ID card". I prepared to have a fight with them, said "How can you ignorant to the situation of your villagers", and accuse them of discrimination on transsexuals.

While I took out my ID card, the personnel said "You have to bring your personal ID card"!

"This old picture was taken when I studied in junior high school", said I.

she smiled, "No wonder, you had a haircut like a little boy before".

I am very happy when I got my new ID card, because there is a picture of pretty girl on it. However, my Chinese name is still a problem. While I walking on the road, I told to my mom, "Yesterday when I am in the party of my high school classmates, and when I had a clinic with Chang-Gung Hospital, they all asked me, why not change your name".

I discussed with mom, which Chinese name sounds best, such as Xiao-Feng, Xiao-Yu, Jing-Yuang, Xiao-Yuan, Xiao-Yue, Xiao-Zhen, Xiao-Yuan, and so on.

高中同學會Party of High School Classmates

寄件者 附中同學會

剛進去聚會場合時，座位上都空無一人，我是第一個進來的。等了約五分鐘後，黃同學、申同學進來了，他們看到我時都沒打招呼，可能以為我是某人的家眷吧，我主動向前跟他們打招呼，並一一喊出他們的名字，他們都楞住了，不知道這個女的是誰。黃同學想了一下，喊出說「妳難道是╳同學!?」，我微笑點點頭，他們都覺得很不可思議，我怎麼變成女生了，我問黃同學說，你怎麼會認出我來，他說他是看身高的，班上有180公分高的人沒有幾個。

我跟他們聊了幾分鐘後，班上最活躍的賴同學也進來了，我跟他打招呼，他也嚇一跳這個女生竟然是以前的╳同學。他感到很好奇，主動問了我很多問題，包括說「為什麼會想變女生呢？」「從多久以前就覺得自己是女生的了？」「妳變成這個樣子父母有沒有怎樣反應？」「在公司時同事都待妳很好嗎？」「至今到現在生活上有碰過什麼困擾？」

後來班導師進來了，我也嚇一跳，沒想到老師會來我們的同學會，賴同學為老師一一介紹同學，介紹到我的時候，老師一直覺得賴同學是對他開玩笑，一直問我說「妳是誰帶來的家眷啊？」直到我主動跟老師說「╳老師，你好」，老師才訝異地說「妳真的是那╳╳╳啊！」不過老師可能還是有點懷疑吧，就問了我以前一些事：「我記得妳以前很喜歡畫漫畫，後來還有繼續再畫嗎？」我就說台灣現在漫畫界也不太景氣，畫漫畫也無法填飽肚子，剛好我那時大學是考上資訊系，想說就算不能畫漫畫，學會寫程式，寫出自己喜愛的GAME也算是實現自己的夢想，畫圖的話就當做是自己另一個興趣好了。

老師可能覺得我今天這樣子穿只是一時好玩吧，也問了我許多問題，比如「從什麼時候開始會想變成女生的呢？」「父母那邊有怎麼樣？」。我就把自己的心路歷程、生活遭遇侃侃而談。後來老師跟我說，他覺得我現在變得開朗多了，我以前高中時講話都唯唯諾諾的，不太會表達自我，眼光不敢看別人，現在的我不僅比較敢表達自我，眼睛也看起來有神了。我說也有可能是我以前戴眼鏡，所以眼睛看起來小小的吧。


這次同學會時滿高興的是，許多同學都接納我，同學說我看起來就像是個女生，看不出來是男的。老師也滿開明的，並沒有歧視變性人，他認為我自己過的幸福快樂最重要。有的同學說他以前常抱怨我們這一班都是男生，沒有一個女生，現在很高興有女同學了。有人說這代表附中什麼事都是第一，可以編入以後的附中傳奇。同學會後，大家聚在一起拍照，我也非常地開心一起合拍。之後就各自回家了。

Party of High School Classmates

As I arrived at the place of party, there was nobody on the seats. I was the first one came here. After waiting for few minutes, classmate Huang and classmate Shen came in. They didn't say hello to me. I supposed they thought I am the girlfriend of someone else. I gave a greeting to them on my own accord, and call their name respectively. They were shocked. They had no idea who she was. Classmate Huang mulled for a while, and shouted "Hey! You are classmate XXX, right!?" I nodded with a smile. They felt it marvelous. What makes me change to be a girl?

I asked classmate Huang, "How did you recognize me"? He said, "I noticed your long stature, because there are a few of classmates longer than six feet".

After chatting for few minutes, schoolmate Lai, who is the most active person in the class, also came in. I said hello to him. He was astonished this girl was one of his classmates before. He was curious, and ask me many questions, such as "Why did you want to become a girl?", "How long before you feel you are a girl?", "How do your parents treat you as you changed to a girl?", "Do your colleagues in the office treat you well?", and "Have you encountered any trouble in daily life?"

Afterwards, class teacher also came in. I astounded, because I didn't expect the teacher will join the party. Classmate Lai introduce other classmates to the teacher respectively. When I was introduced, teacher thought Lai was kidding at him. Teacher kept asking me, "Are you a girlfriend brought here by one of my students". Until I said "Hello, Teacher Gao", the teacher realized, and said, “Oh, you are my student XXX”. Perhaps the teacher still doubted me, so he asked me, “I remember you were interested in drawing manga, are you still working on it?” I answered, “The industry of manga in Taiwan is not mature enough. This career can barely provide the maintenance for the manga creators. As I gained the admission to the department of Computer Science, I decided to be a game programmer. I wanted to create the game I dreamed. The manga creation can just be my recreation.”

The teacher maybe thought I cross-dressed myself for fun, he asked me some questions, such as “How long before you decide to change your gender?”, “How do your parents think?” I began to confide my life history, and life experience to the teacher. Then, the teacher told me, “You looked more confident and more extrovert than before. While you studied in high school, you were a very shy boy. You were bad to the sociability. Nowadays, you are good at expressing yourself, and your eyes look more attractive.” I answered, “Maybe I wore eyeglasses before, so my eyes looked unappealing.”

I was very happy in this party, because many classmates accepted. One the classmates said nobody could recognize me as a boy, and I am a girl at all. My teacher has an open mind, he did not discriminate transsexual, and he think it is more important to keep in a cheerful frame of mind. One of the classmates said, he always complained about that all of the students in this class are male, no one is female, and he is glad that there is one female student in this class. One said it represents the predominance of HSNU, and it should be picked into the legends of HSNU. After the party, we had a fun to be photoed together. I also joined. Then, everyone returned home happily.